“Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.”

I consider myself fortunate to have real friends. No, I haven’t needed any bodies moved lately (though the day is young.)

Even though I have a lot of online connections/acquaintances/colleagues I only have a few real friends online.

What’s the real definition? Reciprocity.

Real friends:

• actually know you and you know them
• take your phone calls and you take theirs
• refer you to other people and you refer other people to them
• help you out and you’re happy to do the same

Now, I think it’s okay to have real friends and online acquaintances I call Facebook friends. I just think we should know what the difference is.

Especially if you need a body moved.

Choose your words well.

The speed of words on social media sites is truly astounding. Post your message on Facebook and it’s exposed to hundreds and maybe thousands of eyeballs. All of those eyeballs can weigh in on what you’ve written. Their friends, in turn, see the debate.

And like the old kiddie game of Gossip, messages can be misinterpreted and plain-out distorted.

I had an interesting debate this week on Facebook regarding Sarah Palin’s video that accused her critics of “blood libel.” The other participant contented that Palin’s video demonstrated her leadership abilities. My opinion was that she demonstrated her total lack of leadership by not owning up to past violent rhetoric and making a committment to stop doing that.

Who was right?

We both were, considering he supported her politics and likes her, and I definitely don’t. We both probably chose to see what we wanted to see.

What would an uncommitted reader see in her words? Would they see patriotism and leadership or anti-semitism (as “blood libel” referrs to someone who is falsely accused, but historically referrs to century-old claims that Jews slaughtered Christian children for blood rituals) and passing the buck by blaming liberals and the media?

I just want to see one thing happen from the shooting tragedy in Arizona. I saw it after 9/11. For a little while, people were a lot nicer to each other. Wouldn’t it be great if politicians and talk show commentators stopped the sniping and the snarky comments just for a little while? Wouldn’t it be nice if we would too?

I might as well change my home page of my browser to Facebook. Lately it’s been open all day and I find myself going back there at odd moments to check stuff – applications, business pages I’m administering, my own Facebook group. There’s a lot to learn every week and I do a lot of research.

So, today’s post is a list of my favorite research sites for Facebook… this week. It’s a growing list as Facebook is rapidly becoming the 800 lb gorilla of the internet. Try some of these for your next “what do I do now?” Facebook moment.

1. The most obvious choice: Facebook’s help center at http://www.facebook.com/help.

2. The next most obvious choice for people who follow social media: Mari Smith’s facebook page and website. Mari Smith has been dubbed “The Pied Piper of Facebook” and is also the author of Facebook Marketing, An Hour a Day. Great resource.

3. Good source for when Facebook is in the news: I go to Mashable.com for the story when Facebook is in the news – like when they change their privacy settings without telling people and hacks everybody off.

4. Place to go when I have technical questions: Ask Dave Taylor has a ton of technical advice on all things internet including Facebook.

5. And wait, there’s more…(I ran out of descriptors.) CHeck these out and see what’s your favorite source:

All Facebook – The Unofficial Facebook Resource

Inside Facebook – Tracking Facebook and the Facebook platform for developers and marketers

Do you have a favorite site for Facebook tips? Let me know!

If you want to succeed in marketing online you need to focus on your objectives.

That being said, I’m one of the biggest offenders of succumbing to BSO (Bright Shiny Objects) syndrome. I’m always chasing down rabbit holes, all in the name of research. I do learn a lot of good stuff, but it sometimes results in wasted time and missed deadlines. Not good.

So, here are some of my strategies for staying on track:

I allow myself some “play time” to catch up with friends and family members on Facebook, twitter and the like. Usually I combine this with watching tv or on my lunch hour. Last week  I had a long, fun chat with a high school friend and caught up with my cousin’s wife on Facebook.

During work hours I have a post-it of objectives next to my monitor that has a cryptic list of marketing objectives. As a consultant to self-published authors, my primary objective is to establish my expertise in online marketing and self publishing. So most of the comments I make are related to those topics. I automatically send a tweet to Twitter and post to my wall on Facebook when I update my blog. My blog is also on my LinkedIn profile. I comment on my friends’ status, and pass on articles that I find interesting. I also have Google Alerts relating to marketing and publishing that gives me plenty to comment on and write about.

Does this take hours every day? No, for the most part I spend about half an hour to an hour a day on social networking sites and checking the feeds for my alerts in Google Reader. Can it be done is less? Absolutely. I spend more time because I enjoy it! And, it’s my business to spend time doing this.

I’ll be presenting a talk “Social Media Marketing in 15 Minutes a Day,” on March 25 at EduCyber in Wheat Ridge, CO (my day job.) You can sign up at EduCyber’s web site. I’ll also be presenting that talk at CIPA College in Denver on March 27. CIPA is the Colorado Independent Publishers Association. The college runs from March 26-27. It’s everything you want to know about self publishing. Check it out!

You can usually tell a newbie on Facebook or Twitter by how often every day they make a pitch about their book or their business. Something really heavy-handed like: “Looking for that special birthday gift? Buy my book!” That deafening silence you hear is everybody ignoring your pitch.

There’s a few things wrong with selling this way.

1. It’s old-style selling. Nobody on Facebook or any other social site wants to be sold on anything.

2. It’s really annoying when you tweet or post that 6 times a day.

3. It’s really easy for the rest of us to hide you on Facebook or unfollow you on Twitter because that’s all you post.

People buy to solve a problem they have. If you have a solution to their problem and they know and trust you, they will buy your book or service. No pain, no sale.

I was on vacation in Cabo a few years ago and went to a time share pitch to get a discount coupon book for my hotel. On the surface, a guaranteed vacation every year might be a great deal. Except I wanted to buy a house, not a time share. No pain, no sale.

Rather than pitch everyone you can, look for people who really need your book or service. Work on establishing your expertise. Then, surprise! There won’t be any selling involved. People will line up to buy.

It’s a fun way to sell.

It’s been estimated that over 93% of people lurk on social networking sites; not participating, just listening to the 7% who are actually taking part in the conversation. I confess to occasionally lurking myself.

I’m really a social person. But sometimes when I’m on Facebook or Twitter I just don’t feel like chatting.

So, I lurk. Now lurking can be defined as “to stay hidden, ready to attack” according to Webster’s New World Dictionary. (Am I the only person left who still has a dictionary on her desk?) Anyway, I do the hidden part mostly. I would only attack if somebody tried to steal my coffee.

You learn a lot when you lurk. You can follow up on tempting links and be the proverbial fly on the wall if there’s an interesting exchange. I tend to do a lot of research on internet marketing this way. And, sometimes I just eavesdrop. I suspect a lot of people do.

Chris Brogan wrote about “social listening” a couple of years ago. He took the process a step further by suggesting ways that information can come to you, by using tools like Google Alerts, Technorati, and Twitter’s search feature. I’m always surprised when I talk to authors who don’t continue to monitor what’s new in their field after their book comes out. Aside from tracking when you or your book is mentioned, it’s a good idea to keep tabs on what’s new in your field. Who knows? This sort of monitoring could lead to additional articles you can write or products to create to add to your book sales.

Some simple steps to try:

1. Google Alerts are easy to set up to get info on your topic delivered to your mailbox.

2. Follow gurus in your field on Twitter. Use the search feature to find them, then follow them.

3. As an added step, if you like their tweets, check out their blogs and subscribe.

Happy lurking!

Small is the new big.

For once, I feel I am in the middle of the new “latest thing.” (I am not an early adaptor. I’m still excited about getting an iPod shuffle last Christmas.)

I’ve wondered for a while whether it was such a great idea to be on so many social media sites that I never visit most of them. What’s the point of having all of these “friends” that I’ve collected and never made an effort to get to know? Do they even know who I am? Or care? I doubt it.

On the other hand, I’ve enjoyed several online conversations with people I actually know on Facebook and LinkedIn. I’m now in the habit of logging in to one or the other during my work day to see what conversations are going on, adding my 2 cents when I want to, starting my own threads. It’s become an added conversation in the day. (And when you work in an office with only 3 other people, your conversations can be someone limited.)

20th century marketing emphasized getting your message out to masses of people. This was a one-way conversation. New marketing via social networks emphasizes a two-way conversation where people actually communicate. One of the common concerns business people and authors voice is where do you find the time to communicate with all of these people on these networks?

Answer: don’t try to have so many conversations.

Wow, is that simple or what?

If you only pick one or two places to hang out, you’ll actually have the time to get to know some of these online “friends” and maybe they’ll become friends without the quote marks. They, in turn, will get to know you and what you do. If they like what you do, they will recommend you to others. You will get calls, and hopefully, business.

That’s not so hard, is it?